Menu

Threat system

Your Brain’s 3 Emotion Regulation Systems

emotional brain

 

 

Overview

Evolution is a powerful force that continues to shape and develop our bodies and brains. Indeed, the human brain has evolved in clever ways that have given us cognitive abilities that no other species has. For instance, the human mind is capable of overcoming hugely complex challenges in the physical world. However, unlike other animals, our evolution has led us to inherit a (partially) flawed system: We are stuck with a brain that we did not design and this inherited ‘evolved’ brain is capable of creating intensely negative and reactive emotions that many of us find very difficult to understand or manage. Worse, this often contributes to us reacting in ways we do not necessarily want and we may even direct these intense negative emotions at ourselves (!).

We can become triggered by unwanted anxieties about the future, we can be haunted by pains of our past (making them feel as though the past is happening again NOW), and we can attack ourselves with our ‘inner-critics’. We can become distracted by greed (at the expense of us being the best versions of ourselves that we can possibly be), and we can become fixated on the unrelenting pursuit of goals that do not truly matter (in an attempt to avoid aspects of ourselves that we to not want to acknowledge). All of these can lead us to behave in unworkable ways that may make situations worse for ourselves or others (!). 

On this page you will learn about how our minds are wired, and why we do many of the things that we do, and how mental health difficulties emerge and are maintained. You will then be well-placed to learn ways to soothe your Threat and Drive systems and generate a sense of calm, comfort, peace and resilience, so that you can be more free to choose how you respond to challenging emotions (such as anger, fear, pain, disappointment, sadness, and loneliness), difficult internal experiences (e.g., painful memories, negative predictions, anxiety-based imagery, or harsh judgements and self-criticism), and any other situation that you may find personally challenging. 

Although the information on this page is specific to the brain’s 3 emotion regulation systems, there are also many important individual factors that contribute to how these systems function (and how challenging it may be for an individual to regulate these systems). Importantly, we find that the common fears, blocks, and resistances that individuals often have around helping themselves work through difficult emotional experiences, are directly related to these developmental factors.

In particular, we know that the quality of the attachment bond between an infant and primary care giver shapes brain development and contributes to a person’s emotional regulation capacities (and this in turn influences relationship difficulties that they may encounter in adulthood – with others and with the Self). Similarly, we know that exposure to adverse events and toxic stressors in childhood play a role in brain development, coping skills, and resilience. Finally, it is important to appreciate how both of these factors relate to our Window of Tolerance, which is loosely defined as the zone of arousal in which we are able to function most effectively given the demands of every day life. 

 

As you read on, I encourage you to reflect on how your childhood experiences (mentioned above) may have impacted on your emotional learning and the development of your brain’s 3 emotion regulation systems. Links to all related articles will appear again throughout this article. 

 

 

 

Our Tricky Brains

Our brains have evolved to enable us to solve amazingly complex problems: We can create cures for medical issues, we can send humans into space, and we have created amazing technologies (like smartphones and the internet) which allow us to learn, connect and be entertained. Despite the evidence of our prowess over the physical world, we are still no closer to solving the problems of our inner worlds. We cannot use the same problem-solving logic that works in the physical world to permanently address the internal suffering we can experience in our inner worlds.

Our ‘tricky’ brains have been shaped by evolution for us (not by us). So many of the difficulties humans experience are not things that anyone would ever think to include if they were asked to re-design a brain from scratch. Think about this: Our tricky brains can produce scores of unwanted thoughts, unwanted images and unwanted emotions (and thousands of these events can happen on a daily basis!). Yet, we did not choose to have brains that function in this way. Equally, we may struggle with conflicting motivations or desires that may not be helpful.  Again, we did not choose to have brains that function in this way (it’s not our fault – evolution shaped our brains this way). 

We can become triggered by unwanted anxieties about the future, we can be haunted by the pains of our past (making them feel as though the past is happening again NOW), and we can attack ourselves with our ‘inner-critics’. We can become motivated by greed (at the expense of us being the best versions of ourselves that we can possibly be), and we can become fixated on the unrelenting pursuit of goals that do not truly matter (in an attempt to avoid aspects of ourselves that we to not want to acknowledge). Yet, we did not choose any of this. 

 

As discussed in greater detail in the articles how to deal with negative thinking and the Threat System, our brains respond to external threats and internal threats in exactly the same ways: 

 

threat system

 

 

In addition to the way evolution designed and shaped our tricky brains (which we did not choose), we also did not choose our family of origin, nor did we choose any of the adverse life experiences that have shaped us. We all have brains that respond to ‘perceived threats’ in extremely powerful ways, and we all have brains that have been affected (for better or for worse) by our upbringings.  For instance, we know that our early attachment bond with caregivers provides emotional learning experiences that shape brain development and emotion regulation, and that the impacts of these experiences can continue throughout adulthood (e.g., how much we perceive others as predictable and trustworthy, how we relate to others in relationships, and how we care for ourselves during times of distress).

Yet, despite all of this, just as we are responsible for what we make of our lives, we are all still individually responsible for how we regulate our emotions and respond to our tricky brains and life’s challenges. Moreover, it could be said that we are all united in this life together by several themes: We all experienced being born, and we all will experience dying. We all have hopes and dreams. We will all experience pains, fears and sadness. We will experience joys, and we all will experience setbacks, disappointments and difficulties. In other words, our evolution, ‘tricky brains’, and our common humanity (with all of its ups and downs) unite us all.

By keeping in mind just how tough life can be for us all at times, we are more likely to be able to access the best versions of ourselves to support others (and ourselves) in times of distress.  However, being the best version of ourselves also requires that we fully understand how our own tricky brains are wired. This means understanding how our motivational systems (and the bugs and feedback loops in the brain caused by evolution) mix with our personal life experiences to shape our perception of the world, ourselves and others. 

 

 

 

The 3 Emotion Regulation Systems

Professor Paul Gilbert (who has been knighted Order of the British Empire for his incredible contribution to the field of Psychology) proposed that we have three main kinds of emotion regulation systems, and that adverse early experiences can lead to an unbalance between these systems. This leaves us sensitized to distress caused by fears and anxieties; self-criticism caused by failures; and, deep feelings of shame about things we have done, and/or about things over which we had very little control.

Although we all manage our emotions by switching between the following systems, as will be discussed, most psychological difficulties are caused by an overuse of the Threat and Drive systems (and an under-use of the Soothing system) to manage both actual and perceived threats.  

 

 

CFT 3 Circles Model

 

 

 

The Threat System (Detection & Protection)

Our Threat System is very powerful: it involves stress-hormones such as Cortisol and Adrenaline. It can activate powerfully motivating bursts of arousal that can alert us to threats and can motivate us to take action. The Threat System responds to external inputs (i.e., problems in the external world) and also internal inputs (e.g., imagery, emotions, thoughts, memories, judgments, predictions etc). It does this by creating powerfully motivating feelings of anger, anxiety, fear or aversion in response to potentially threatening stimuli. The behavioural ramifications include: the Fight-Flight response (which leads us to attack or withdraw), to ‘freeze’ or submit (which can both lead to feelings of shame), or to engage in self-attacking and self-criticism. 

The Threat System has been fine-tuned by evolution over thousands of years (those with better Threat Systems were more likely to survive long enough to pass on genes and help raise young).  This means our brains have evolved to detect threats very quickly and to mobilise a response (by diverting our energy and attentional resources toward eliminating the threat). This all happens very quickly to ensure our ultimate survival (think: ‘survival of the fittest!’).  The Threat System has thus been shaped by evolution to keep us safe. It operates on a ‘better safe than sorry’ principle – it is reactive because its aim is to protect us (to keep us alive), by scanning for and identifying all kinds of threats (even if it gets things wrong, sometimes – which it does!).

Research shows that we are biased toward processing threat-based information: We know that negative information captures our attention, thinking, and memory much more powerfully than does positive information (this is referred to by researchers as a ‘negativity bias’). For instance, we feel the sting of being reprimanded much more powerfully than we feel the joy of praise. We also know that threat-based emotions (fear, anger, disgust) organize our brain and bodies in powerful ways that motivate us to ‘protect’ ourselves and ‘eliminate the source of threat’ in order to ‘stay safe!’. And this all makes perfect sense, from an evolutionary point of view (remember: ‘survival of the fittest’!).

Although this may have been very helpful when having to fight a saber-toothed tiger or a dinosaur, in modern times, it is terribly unhelpful when we are faced with: Having emotions or memories that we would rather not have (e.g., trying to forget the painful past); when we are anxious about trying to solve future problems; when we are trying to do something completely incompatible with Threat, such as when we are trying to stay present and connect with others (or when we are simply lying in bed trying to fall asleep!). What ends up happening is our Threat Systems hijack the situation and worse, if we cannot solve the problem – WE may become the source of the problem (and the target of our Threat System).

So, when balanced with the two other systems, the threat system helps alert us to potential threats and obstacles, and helps to help keep our lives moving in desired directions. However, because it is one of the brain’s most powerful system (remember: it’s all about survival!) it is easy for this system to take up more than its fair share of mental and physical energy. Due to our brain’s ability to imagine and ruminate, and because the Threat system responds to internal inputs (like imagery, thoughts, memories, judgements, predictions etc), it is possible to keep this system running even in the absence of any actual threat. This means that if we spend lots of time living unnecessarily in a state of ‘threat’ our worlds will be experienced as a potentially unsafe. This can make the world seem an unnecessarily anxiety-provoking, exhausting, or an overwhelming place to be. This can lead to toxic stress and a range of mental health difficulties.

You can read more about your brain’s threat system and its triggers, here.

 

 

 

 

The Drive System (Pursuit, Resource Acquisition & Achievement)

The Drive System is a motivational system that also has roots in our evolution, in that it drives us towards the things we want or need (or, at least, things that we believe we need) in order to prosper. The Drive System alerts us to opportunities for pursuing goals and securing resources, and helps us focus and maintain our attention on such pursuits. The Drive system is highly influenced by the pleasurable brain chemical Dopamine. Our Brains produce Dopamine (experienced as ‘pleasure’), whenever we are either in pursuit of a chosen direction or when we achieve something that we set out to achieve. In other words, the drive system is being utilized whenever we pursue OR when we achieve our goals. 

Like the Threat System, the neurochemistry involved in the Drive system can be powerfully motivating and can narrow our attention to focus on whatever we are pursuing – but this can become tricky especially when the blind pursuit of our goals is actually causing harm to ourselves or others. So, the Drive System can lead to engaging in life-enhancing, workable, values-informed activities BUT it can ALSO inadvertently lead us to taking actions that can reinforce our problems. 

The Drive System alerts us to opportunities to pursue goals, and it can help us focus and maintain our attention on such pursuits. In the Animal Kingdom, Drive looks like this: The quest to secure Food, Shelter, Comfort, and Territory (e.g., a bird focused on finding sticks to build a nest, a squirrel hoarding acorns for the winter, dogs fighting over a bone, spiders building a web etc). For humans living in modern societies, Drive looks like this: The quest for Wealth, Social Rank or Status, Competitiveness, anticipation of (and the engagement in) highly valued pleasurable events such as consuming high calorie foods and other forms stimulation (eg video games, internet or pornography, illicit substances), or achieving success (either ‘socially prescribed’ success or however else we may define and value it, ourselves).

In other words, in humans, the Drive System is associated with the anticipation of a positive outcome, accomplishment aka via ‘Getting Things Done’ (doing more, being more, earning more, & having more) and / or achievement (such as earning a higher rank socially or in the eyes of others in our social group). In other words, even simply engaging in the process of accomplishment can be experienced as rewarding. 

When in balance with the other two systems, the drive system can help keep us activated in the pursuit of important life goals. However, at the extreme, Drive can lead to addictive and compulsive behaviours (e.g., chasing unrequited love or the ‘high’ associated with drugs, or compulsive behaviours people engage in order to avoid anxiety), much like the addictive drug cocaine (which also stimulates the dopamine system!). The Drive System often also leads people to overcompensate for feeling bad about themselves which can lead them to pursue achievement in unrelenting and rigid ways (causing perfectionism / control issues, stress, burnout and depression).




Free Dopamine: The Darkside of Drive & Habit Formation

As you will discover, Drive processes can become very problematic for us in terms of ‘habit formation’. This is because the reward system that is activated in the brain when we receive a reward is the same system that is activated when we pursue a goal in anticipation of a reward. It is this combination – anticipation and accomplishment – that can activate the Drive circuitry which makes for the pleasure feelings that can shape our behaviours in subtle but powerful ways (sometimes even without our conscious awareness!). 

So, whenever we predict that an opportunity will be rewarding, our levels of dopamine spike in anticipation. And whenever dopamine rises, so too does our motivation to act. Often it is this anticipation of a reward—not just the fulfillment of it— that can drive us to take action. Us pursuing a goal with the lure of achieving the positive outcome we believe it will bring is also rewarding. Thus, we can stimulate our reward system for FREE whenever we pursue any task where we have anticipated a desirable outcome will result – even if this task was set by ourselves (!). Think about how this may play out in some real world examples:

For instance, imagine you ‘decided’ to scrunch up a piece of paper and throw it into a garbage bin from afar. You may assume it will be fairly ‘easy’ and amusing, and succeeding will demonstrate your ‘hand-eye-coordination skills’ and so you anticipate success will bring a positive outcome. Your Drive System has now become activated. You motivation begins to increase. You are now focused – anticipation is fueling your increased attention to this task (your aim, your set-up, your body position, and your ability to block out unnecessary distractions). 

Let’s say that on the first throw, you miss (you throw it too far to the left). Frustrated, but determined, you try again. But your second throw is a little too far to the right. Then, you readjust your aim and … ‘BINGO!’ – It lands in the bin with a satisfying ‘THUD’! (You will now likely feel some combination of either ‘satisfied’, ‘accomplished’, ‘pride’ or ‘relief’). 

BIG DEAL – all you did was to place a piece of rubbish into a garbage bin (!). But, why did so many positive and rewarding feelings arise during this activity and upon its success ? ANSWER: Because YOU ‘chose’ it as a goal (you decided that it was a worthy endeavour). That you chose a specific way to achieve this goal made it its success highly desirable (!). 

Yet, this completely arbitrary (and trivial) example illustrates how we can a) create an arbitrary goal (we can do this with ‘anything’, really), b) stimulate our dopaminergic Drive system with the anticipation of success, and c) experience a reward insofar as pleasurable states in pursuit of the Goal and when finally do succeed!  This demonstrates how we humans can use our drive systems to create ‘FREE DOPAMINE’.

This is a trivial example that for most of us would likely only produce a tiny amount of dopamine. But it is instantly possibly more instantly gratifying than (say) so than putting in the effort to reading all of the words on this page (!).

However, here’s where it gets tricky: When combined with the seductive short term benefit (in terms of the feeling of ‘relief’ that comes from a reduction in ‘threat’) that engaging in avoidance behaviours bring, the reinforcing effects of dopamine can quickly become complex habit-forming processes that can maintain psychological difficulties (!). 

For example, when someone with OCD succeeds in following a rule they have created, they stimulate powerful reward-circuitry in their brains. They may anticipate future relief (which is ultimately pleasurable) from adhering to a rule that is believed to prevent an aversive situation from occurring in the future, plus relief (further pleasure) when the rule has been successfully followed. When nothing bad actually does happen, if the person associates their actions (rule-following) with a positive outcome this then begins a powerful reward circuit (or ‘feedback loop’) that strengthens the likelihood of this behaviour happening again in similar situations (a habit is formed). 

Similarly, when an person with depression and anxiety avoids an imagined future situation that they were anticipating as aversive, they will experience pleasure and relief (even though they were essentially creating this negative situation in their own minds). In this way, ‘avoidance’ is rewarded, and this behavior is more likely to occur again in the future. Equally, when someone with an Eating Disorder adheres to a rigid rule around food (or their weight), the self-prescribed ‘achievement’ that comes from following one’s rule about food is also rewarded by dopamine. Yet, for all of these examples, the rewards are the product of us having created the rules ourselves (free dopamine!). 

When it comes to habits, the key takeaway is this: dopamine is released not only when we experience pleasure, but also when we anticipate it. Think for a moment about how you ‘set things up’ to be rewarding in your life? Consider how much dopamine drives of your behaviours – the good (workable, goal-directed approach behaviours) and the bad (your unworkable avoidance-related behaviours).

 

 

 

Threat-Based Drive 

Many people tend to be stuck oscillating primarily between the Threat and the Drive systems (almost every Drive action that is pursued rigidly is heavily motivated by a deep desire to escape a Threat vs simply pursuing an action for the sake of the pleasure it brings). In other words, many people go between the torment of Threat and its temporary relief via rigid Threat-Based Drive actions. In the short term, this is very rewarding. After all, we are pain averse, pleasure-seeking creatures. However, this cycle can become exhausting in the long term because it leaves no space for failure (because failure triggers Threat), and by extension, no space for peace and contentment with what ‘is’. 

However, this can be a very difficult pattern to recognize because it involves these ancient systems. Threat feels ‘bad’ and relieving Threat (via Drive based activities) involves the temporarily distracting effects of the activity and the temporarily rewarding effects of Dopamine.

Politicians and Advertisers know this, and so too should YOU: By triggering Threat, they get you to ‘do’ something (Drive) which makes you feel better about the Threat. For instance, Politicians are often seen attempting to manipulate vulnerable people with messages of “Fear, Threat, Doom… blah, blah … oh, and by the way: VOTE FOR ME!” (This is the ‘Drive’ component of their Threat-based message!).

Advertisers often prey on these evolutionary systems by triggering fears and insecurities (that surprise, surprise: their product is designed to help you alleviate!), or they strive to generate cravings (Drive) in you to buy the next ‘shiny’ object or experience (that you often didn’t know that you needed before you watched the advertisement). 

 

 

Threat-Based Drive & Mental Health Issues

Many mental health problems involve an overuse of the Threat and Drive systems. For example, we know that individuals with significant depression may experience not only low moods, but also low motivation and negative feelings towards one’s self, tend to overuse their Threat Systems in the form of relying on their ‘inner critic’ to motivate themselves to ‘take action’ (Threat-based Drive). But more than often, what this does is it inadvertently increases their experience of distress (which increases stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline), and this makes failure more likely. And because we know that failure triggers Threat (“I don’t like myself AND now I am a failure as well…”), we now have the perfect recipe for agitation, self-criticism, and hopelessness which often leads to self-hatred and suicidal thoughts.

People with “I’m not good enough” / “I’m not Enough” / “I’m a Failure” often utilize the Drive system in unbalanced ways to feel good about one’s self. Although this is understandable, this can lead to problems. For example, by engaging in the relentless pursuit of achievement in order to feel ‘better’ about one’s self (‘do more’, ‘be more’, ‘have more…’), people often over utilize the Drive System and experience high stress as a result. This is because the threat of failing to achieve can trigger threat via feelings of disappointment, shame, and one’s inner-critic, which inadvertently triggers the Threat System. This becomes a never-ending spiral of suffering. Threat-based Drive is always inevitably a recipe for unhappiness, because when you fail to achieve (which is inevitable, because no one can achieve 100% of the time – people make mistakes AND so much is out of our control!) you will trigger Threat – because whenever you come at Drive from Threat and fail, failure triggers Threat via self-criticism.

 

 

 

 

People experiencing Anxiety commonly use their Threat & Drive systems. Yet, utilizing the Drive System to reduce any threat (‘do more, be more, achieve more’) only produces short term relief . When Drive is used to escape Threat, it often leads to ongoing difficulties.  This is because Threat-motivated Drive actions are essentially an elaborate avoidance strategy (they only work until they don’t… then, you’re back at Threat again).

Of course, given that anxiety feels terrible it is completely understandable that people who are experiencing anxiety are often highly motivated to avoid the imminent source of Threat (after all, anxiety feels ‘bad’). However, the avoidance of anxiety (or its triggers) only ever works in the short term – avoidance does not ever completely eliminate anxiety forever, and meanwhile the actions people engage in while avoiding often leads to them missing out on living a meaningful existence.

Moreover, in the long run, avoidance inadvertently results in an increase of anxiety (because we are teaching ourselves we ‘cannot cope’). Meanwhile no skills for managing anxiety are learned, and the Threats continue to circulate in the mind, which results in increased activity in the Threat system. So, although avoidance may reduce anxiety temporarily, in the long run, it makes makes anxiety worse. Unfortunately, this will likely be perceived as a failure (‘”What’s wrong with me!?”) which may lead to self-criticism and hopelessness, which in turn may trigger …Threat (and the cycle continues). 

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is also directly related to a ping-pong between the Threat-Drive Systems. Remember the ‘free dopamine’ example in which we created a goal  / rule for ourselves to successfully shoot a piece of paper into a garbage bin ? When we succeeded, we felt ‘good’. This is because, set ourselves a goal and achieve it (or whenever we make a rule and stick to it), we will experience FREE DOPAMINE ! ! !

With OCD, people set themselves arbitrary rules to follow. E.g., “I must turn off/on a light 150 times before I can go to sleep, else something bad will happen!”.  Often these compulsive behaviours are labelled ‘rituals’. But essentially, they are behaviours derived from a Threat-based Drive rule, in that if someone follows their self-prescribed rule (and succeeds), they will experience relief (dopamine & stress reduction), even though they created the rule, themselves (!). Because Threat does not feel good and because dopamine does feel good, this is a very seductive cycle: a) Feel Threatened, b) Create Rule and follow it, c) Feel relief (or even good) about that! (and thus, …receive dopamine!). 

Here’s where it gets tricky: In OCD, when people take the ‘good feelings’ (eg relief) that result from following a rule or engaging in a series of self-prescribed actions as evidence that they are doing the ‘right thing’ (this is called Emotional Reasoning), this leads to a seductive pattern emerging. In the above example of ‘turning on/off a light 150 times to prevent bad things from happening‘, when the relief of performing the action is associated with the observation the following morning that nothing ‘bad’ actually happened during the night, we now have a highly complex and challenging compulsive Threat-Drive pattern emerging (i.e., falsely associating the relief and the possibly even ‘good feelings’ that follow completing a self-prescribed action, along with the fact that ‘nothing bad happened’ – when really, neither are associated). 

Although the above example focuses on OCD, it is important to understand that similar processes can also underpin many other psychological difficulties (for instance): the rigid rule-following people can become stuck in when they develop an Eating Disorder, the Threat based safety-behaviours and rituals that can also occur in Psychosis, the ‘protective worrying’ that can occur in Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), and many of the other mental health difficulties people can commonly experience.

So, as you can begin to see – an overuse of the Threat & Drive systems can really get us stuck. The Threat-based Drive ‘ping-pong’ will lead to exhaustion, anxiety, shame, anger, self-criticism, and hopelessness. All of these can have a massive toll our stress levels, our moods, and our relationship with ourselves and others. Clearly there can be no peace with these two systems unless their use is balanced with the third system:

 

 

The Soothing System (Safeness, Caring, Contentment)

Like the Threat and Drive Systems, we come into this world hard-wired with Soothing Systems. In evolutionary terms, the Soothing System is our Mammalian Care-Giving System. Often, the Soothing System operates naturally when there are no threats to defend against and no goals that must be pursued. This system taps into feel good neurochemicals such as oxytocin, endorphins, and opiates. 

Unlike the Threat and Drive Systems which activate us, the Soothing System can deactivate us. The Soothing System is associated with peaceful states – feelings of being safe, calm, peaceful, and content. The Soothing System allows us to soothe ourselves, and it also allows us to soothe others. It is linked with experiences of giving/receiving care, affection, acceptance, kindness, warmth, encouragement, support and affiliation. We now know from the research that these behaviours can downregulate and weaken the toxic effects of the Threat System. In this way, the Soothing System can bring us a sense of calm, safeness, and peace. 

Sometimes people who have been overutilising their Drive Systems have misconceptions around activating their Soothing System because they believe that if they were more accepting of themselves, they would simply ‘give up’ on all of their pursuits and would never achieve anything. This is hugely inaccurate. Whereas Threat-Based Drive is a weakness (it only works temporarily – until you fail – because failure inadvertently triggers Threat via self-criticism), approaching Drive activities from a place of Soothing can provide you with a rich source of strength. If you are able to support, nurture and soothe yourself, you are more capable of being there for yourself if you fail (and you will eventually fail or will make mistakes, because nobody is perfect 100% of the time). This means you will be able to handle disappointment without spiraling into self-criticism and self-attacking or shame. You will be able to meet yourself wherever you are (emotionally and at whatever your skill level) and you will be able to understand, support, nurture, and encourage yourself to learn from your mistakes and get back out there and try again (if that is important to you). By relating to yourself in this way, you are not motivated by fear or your Threat System. In fact, you may even be more comfortable with yourself which means that you can do a better job. Activating your Soothing System makes you more resilient in the face of life setbacks. Soothing is a source of strength, not a vulnerability. 

However, unfortunately, for many people, the Soothing System is often both hugely misunderstood and underutilized, or it is completely blocked. This is particularly true for individuals with difficult family upbringings such as attachment wounds, or with a history of complex trauma. For example, due to our developmental histories, or painful emotional or interpersonal experiences (such as childhood experiences of shame, rejection, bullying, parental hostility or parental unresponsiveness), the very behaviours and emotions that associated with caring or safeness (warmth, closeness, and soothing) can unfortunately inadvertently trigger a sense of Threat – not safeness!

 

Interested readers are encouraged to read more about this in the following articles: 

 

As previously discussed, an imbalance in these three Systems can lead to mental health problems. And we know that individuals who underutilize their Soothing System often also experience intense shame and self-criticism which triggers an excess of cortisol and stress hormones and this (for example) can result in hostility, suspicion or defensiveness, which can greatly interfere with their relationship with both themselves and others.

Luckily, being able to tap into the Soothing System involves an established set of skills. Thankfully, Soothing skills (see below) can be learned and this fact is backed by extensive scientific research. If you believe that you are over utilizing your Threat or Drive systems or if you would like to learn more about how you can tap into your Soothing System – I recommend working with a Clinical Psychologist who is trained in Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT).

 

 

 

 

What is CFT?

Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) was developed to help those with mental health issues that are maintained by feelings of shame or self-criticism. CFT is based on evolutionary psychology and the latest neuroscience of emotions. It teaches practical skills to help people bring balance to the brain’s three emotional systems so they can self-soothe and deal with difficult emotions such as Anger, Shame, Anxiety, Fear, Depression, and Self-Criticism. A major component of CFT is to work with the Fears, Blocks, & Resistances (FBRs) to working with the Soothing System. These FBRs are essentially viewed as being outdated (but understandable) protective strategies that were once helpful (but which are no longer helpful because their consequences now play out in very complex and undesirable ways). These FBRs are all completely understandable once the impacts of one’s developmental history and one’s early learning about positive emotions such as Soothing are considered. 

 

 

 

Further Resources:

About Me: 

Dr Andreas Comninos, PhD Clinical Psychologist

I am a PhD Clinical Psychologist and EMDR Accredited Practitioner with over 15 years of psychotherapy experience. Whether you are seeking an assessment and diagnosis, or are searching for integrative research-backed ways to help you heal past wounds, break reactive-patterns and achieve long-lasting change, my aim is to provide a safe space for you to feel seen, understood, and empowered so you can make meaningful progress on your healing journey.


To learn more and to get in touch, please:

CONTACT ME

I endeavor to reply to all enquiries within 24 hrs.

About Me: 

Dr Andreas Comninos

PhD Clinical Psychologist

 

I am a PhD Clinical Psychologist and EMDR Accredited Practitioner with over 15 years of psychotherapy experience. Whether you are seeking an assessment and diagnosis, or are searching for integrative research-backed ways to help you heal past wounds, break reactive-patterns and achieve long-lasting change, my aim is to provide a safe space for you to feel seen, understood, and empowered so you can make meaningful progress on your healing journey.

To learn more and to get in touch, please:

CONTACT ME

I endeavor to reply to all enquiries within 24 hrs. 

Your Brain’s Threat System

Overview

The brain is the body’s most complex organ. It balances physiological and psychological needs while responding to the environment – all at the same time! But, when it perceives something as a potential threat, it triggers a cascade of neurophysiological activity that re-organises its resources and attention so that it can focus on keeping the organism (read: ‘YOU!’) safe.  When it is appropriate, this is very useful – because in turn ensures the survival of the organism. When it is not appropriate, the threat system can overwhelm us and can lead us to feeling Fearful, Angry, or Anxious. On the other hand, we may engage in self-criticism, or we may engage in avoidant or destructive patterns that make the situation worse for ourselves and others. 

Although it is understandable that we would want to act to reduce and/or to protect ourselves from threats, when we let our threat systems dominate we are likely to act in ways that are disproportionate to the situation and this process will (often rapidly) get in our way.  This typically happens when threat (or our sense of threat) is being created by our own perception and this is either happening without us knowing (due to undeveloped awareness) or is not being adequately addressed (due to a lack of understanding about the nature of the mind-body feedback loop, or low skill level in terms of ‘what’ to do about it).

This page discusses the biological aspects behind what the threat system is, and provides an evolutionary explanations as to why it works the way it does, in the hope that you will come to understand: a) That it is not our fault that we have a threat system – it is how the human brain has evolved for survival; and, b) Why it is important to learn skills to soothe our threat systems – from a biological and psychological perspective. Armed with a better understanding about ‘what’ our threat system is and what it is doing to our mind and body (and what you can do about it), with some skill-practice you will have more choice regarding how you respond to difficult situations that involve threat!

Understanding the Threat System: The Amygdala

One of the most important parts of the brain in terms of the threat system is the Amygdala. The amygdala is shaped like a little almond and lies deep in the brainstem in the limbic system, which consists of the hippocampus (responsible for memory), and the hypothalamus (which secretes hormones that regulate important bodily functions including the fight-flight response). The primary role of the Amygdalae (we actually have a pair of amygdala) lies with the processing of information in order determine whether or it needs to signal onwards to the limbic system that the brain needs to take action and do something.

All information that we experience from our 5 senses (taste, touch, vision, smell, and hearing) passes through our Amygdala which sorts this information into either ‘threat’ or a ‘non-threat’. For instance, if we are crossing the street with our head buried in our phone and you hear a ‘honking’ of a horn and the screeching of car tyres and with our peripheral vision we notice a huge dark car-shaped object heading our way, rapidly increasing in size as it gets closer, our Amygdala will likely sense of this visual information as “threat!” and it will stimulate our hypothalamus to trigger a ‘fight-flight response’.



Fight-Flight Response (aka ‘fight-flight-freeze-appease’ or ‘fight-flight-flop-n-drop’ response): We have ancient protective circuits that can create a cascade of physiological activation designed to help us survive. In the context of the example above (being ‘honked’ at while distracted by our phones when crossing the road), the “flight” part of this response will increase our heart rate while slowing down digestion (so blood can be pumped FAST to our larger limbs so we can protect ourselves or escape), it will dilate our pupils (to let more light in so we can see better), and it will create a surge of adrenaline (which will give the body an instant burst of strength) so that we can drop that phone and jump out of the way of the speeding vehicle to survive!

However – and this is both a blessing and a downside of the threat system – the threat system also receives information from the Mind. This is where psychological problems emerge, because the mind can trigger a threat in the absence of a threat! Thankfully, when we come to understand and learn about our mind – we can learn to differentiate between these two sources of information: the information from our ‘mind’ vs the information from our ‘our 5 senses’. From this point (with skills training and some practice), we can learn to direct our minds in ways that can calm and soothe the threat system. The diagram below shows the two sources of information that can trigger our threat systems…

 

threat system

 

Sources of Threat (The Mind vs Our 5 Senses)

  • Information from our mind is not real – it is a construction that can trigger a cascade of neural and emotional circuitry: This includes: Thoughts, Images, Memories Predictions, Judgments / Evaluations, Daydreaming, Self-Talk, Self-Criticism, and ‘Stories’ that we tell ourselves (e.g., the ‘I’m not good enough‘ story). 
  • Mental events are representations. They are NOT real; mental experiences are simply constructions of reality. If we imagine yummy food, we may salivate. If we think of something threatening, we may trigger anxiety and our threat system (e.g., remembering something that made us angry or fearful years ago can trigger our threat system which can make us feel as though it just happened or “it’s happening again…!” and similarly, imagining or predicting something threatening in the future can trigger the threat system by flooding the amygdala with threat-based imagery that can produce Fear or Anxiety)

In contrast, 

  • The information from our 5 senses is real: Sight, Hearing, Taste, Touch, and Smell. These are real (e.g., a bus heading for us as we cross the road without looking, is REAL). However, we can confuse ‘how real’ this information is with our minds – e.g. if we have a stomach ache, we feel this with our 5 senses (touch) we may have the thought “oh no – maybe I have cancer!” (The mind).  Individuals who fear panic attacks may experience the sensations in their bodies (5 Senses) and then tell themselves (with their minds) that the physical experiences are dangerous. Because the Brain does not know the difference between reality and what our mind’s are doing, this can trigger our threat system which raises anxiety further and makes for an unpleasant – but not life threatening – panic attack. If interested, you may read more about panic here. 

Why is making this distinction important? 

Aside from brief and relatively infrequent events like the example descried above (i.e., crossing the street and being ‘honked’ at), it is unlikely that the information from our 5 senses is regularly telling our amygdala that we are being shot at, or that our life is in immediate danger (!). In terms of our everyday life, if we are living in a safe (war-free) country and are actually safe, and we have access to food, clothes, and shelter, it is unlikely that we are regularly experiencing ANY information from our 5 senses that is triggering our threat system (at all). What we are thinking about our 5 Senses is where we are more likely instigating a threat trigger (!)

e.g., the next airplane that flies overhead is NOT going to drop a bomb and it would be strange to look up and think anything like that that, or feel anxious…. In other words, if we are experiencing any kind of psychological distress on a regular basis, chances are that it is our Mind that is triggering your threat system! 

e.g., a panic attack does not mean that we are in danger or are loosing control (rather, it is what people think about what are feeling in their bodies that becomes the source of threat!)

Ask yourself – Which is most often responsible for triggering threat: Is it your 5 Senses (what you are experiencing?) or is it your Mind (how you are thinking ‘about’ things, including what you are thinking ‘about’ what you’re experiencing with your 5 senses)?

Although it is understandable that we would want to act to reduce and/or to protect ourselves from threats, when we let our threat systems dominate we are likely to act in ways that are disproportionate to the situation and this process will (often rapidly) get in our way.  This typically happens when threat (or our sense of threat) is being created by our own perception and this is either happening without us knowing (due to undeveloped awareness) or is not being adequately addressed (due to a lack of understanding about the nature of the mind-body feedback loop, or low skill level in terms of ‘what’ to do about it).


How does this happen? (Getting ‘hooked’, aka Cognitive Fusion)

The Mind is an amazing tool – what separates humans from animals is our ability to solve problems both in the present moment and in the future. For instance, humans have created transportation (cars, planes, and spaceships), the internet, and the ability to have climates controlled while indoors at the press of a button! However, our problem-solving prowess combined with the ability to mentally ‘be’ in the past or the future, is also our Mind’s downside.


TRY THIS: Imagine you are on a beach in a warm, tropical location. Really picture it – Imagine the sunshine warming your skin, the sound of the gentle waves as they lap up against the shore, and the fresh smell of salt in the warm sticky air. As you lie in a hammock between two palm trees soaking up your delicious surroundings – like the one in the picture below … 


Now – stop imagining and think about the experience and feelings you just generated as you answer the following questions: Could you see the beach? Could you feel the sun? Could you hear the waves or smell the salt in the air?

Congratulations! You just did what animals cannot do – you triggered a change in your attention and your emotions by using your imagination. This is normal and easy for us to do – it’s called daydreaming. It’s fantasy – it’s not reality. Importantly: You were able to change how you felt because even though your mind knows it is just daydreaming, the brain does not know the difference. Psychologists call this ‘cognitive fusion’ – you just ‘bought into’ what your mind was telling you. 

 

Why is Cognitive Fusion a Problem?

As demonstrated, unlike animals, humans can imagine a situation that isn’t actually happening. It can feel real. This becomes problematic when we are imagining a problem that we cannot solve because we can become preoccupied with trying to solve it. We can experience anguish, stress, frustration, or even anxiety. So, like daydreaming, even though we may know that we are not in the imagined situation, the brain doesn’t! And like how daydreaming can trigger positive emotions – by imagining a threatening situation we can trigger the brain’s threat system and experience real emotions and distress to a situation that isn’t actually happening! This is where Mindfulness skills come in handy:

 


Understanding Our Triggers

Because we can will feel consistent with whatever we are thinking about (‘cognitive fusion’), and because threat-based processing is part of our evolutionary survival instinct (the fight-flight-freeze response), our threat systems can be triggered VERY EASILY by what we are focusing on (e.g., thoughts, imagery, memories, predictions, emotions, sensations or ‘stories’ we tell ourselves about either ourselves or the situation). In fact, we also know that information from our brain and bodies can influence our sense of safety / threat unconsciously (i.e., via neuroception) and that this can create feedback-loops (i.e., we use our minds to narrate what may be happening in our bodies / environment, and this triggers threat which is represented in our bodies, which then feeds threat-messages into our minds, and so on…). 

Nevertheless, for the sake of simplicity and to illustrate the impact of our Minds, the following examples are some of the ways our minds can trigger our threat systems. See if you can identify which are triggers for you and your threat system:

    • Thinking about uncertainty or a problem that is unsolvable = AGITATION or STRESS

    • Worrying that others might be judging you or thinking badly about you = ANXIETY  or SHAME

    • Imagining a future where something ‘bad’ will happen = ANXIETY

    • Imagining situations where you will not be able to cope = HOPELESSNESS

    • Imagining failure = HOPELESSNESS / FEAR, or a confrontation = ANGER, or being abandoned / alone = FEAR, DEFECTIVENESS

    • Memories about the past  = SADNESS, SHAME, REGRET

    • Ruminating over something that makes you angry  = ANGER

    • Engaging in self-criticism or self-attacking (see the “Inner-Critic”) = SHAME, SELF-LOATHING, HOPELESSNESS


Many of these triggers are often present in mental health problems such as anxiety and depression (and even psychosis) – and most people do not know how to deal with what their minds are doing. But it makes sense that when we deeply care about an outcome, this can trigger our threat systems (e.g., the fear of failure). Whenever we want to achieve something there is a risk of failing and so there is forever a risk (threat) of disappointment. This triggers anxiety and can also trigger self-criticism.

inner critic

 

What Can We Do?

If we do not have a good awareness of the difference between threats created by the mind vs what we are feeling in our body (our 5 Senses), it is probable that we are being ‘pushed around’ by whatever our mind tells us. This risks triggering our threat system, which is all about SURVIVAL! This in turn can launch us into fight, flight, or freeze!

Fight = Attack!

Flight = Avoid!

Freeze = Shutdown!

Understanding the threat system and what triggers it is an important first step in being able to begin to notice and differentiate between ‘5 senses experience’ (information coming from our 5 senses) and ‘mental experience’ (information coming from our mind).

Next, we need to develop awareness of our mind’s ability to ‘hook’ us out of the present moment and into whatever threat it is focusing on (remember – our minds are typically very busy and focus on: Memories, Predictions, Imagery, Judgments, Evaluations, Emotions, Sensations, and ‘stories’).

Then, we need to come back to the present moment using our 5 senses – What can you smell? What can you taste? What can you feel on your skin? Etc. If we have become quite stressed we may even need to work to soothe our bodies (which will contribute to having a calm mind). We can do this in many ways, but a common (and medically-researched) way to do this quickly is with slow, diaphragmatic breathing (aka soothing rhythm breathing). 

All of this is an active, ongoing process that requires awareness and lots of practice. Once we aware of our habitual patterns of responding, we need to learn how to respond differently. This often requires learning new skills, such as: learning how to self-soothe (breathing), refocusing the mind onto our 5 senses (mindfulness), responding differently to what our minds are telling us (defusion), and practicing self-compassion (because after all, it’s not your fault that you have a threat system – we all do – it’s how we’re built! It’s not your fault, the experiences you have had have shaped your nervous system, but it is your responsibility to learn how to take charge).

Although the above information is exclusively about the Threat System, it is important to understand the role of our Brain’s other emotional systems, and our bodies, so that we can learn skills such as Mindfulness and Self-Compassion which can help us deactivate the threat system by cultivating a sense of calm safety in our nervous systems. This is essentially the rationale for developing the ability to self-soothe. Although it may seem difficult at first, the good news is that these skills are things that can be learned (or a psychologist can help you learn them!). 

All of this information forms part of a broader picture: Know where you are at, Know where you want to be, and know what you need to do to get yourself there. This statement in particular relates to self-regulation – knowing what ‘state’ you are in (vs what state you need to ‘be in’ in order to achieve what you want to achieve), and knowing how to do cultivate whichever state that will be most helpful to you in a particular situation.  


Summary

  • Our brains are hard-wired for survival (think: ‘Survival of the fittest’)

  • Our brains are the product of thousands of years of evolution (our ancestors had good threat systems which ensured they bred and passed on their genetic material, to us!)

  • When triggered, our threat systems are concerned with only one thing: SURVIVAL

  • We can inadvertently trigger threat with our own Minds – in the absence of any real danger!

  • Most (99.99999%) of the time, threats get triggered by our Minds, not our 5 senses (this includes when we appraise what is happening with our 5 Senses as ‘threatening’).  

  • This is not our fault – it’s just how our brains work!

  • The trick is to: Know where we are at, Know where we want to be, and know what we need to do to get ourselves there. 

  • If we want, we can choose to soothe our threat systems using a variety of skills that work with the body (breathing, 5 Senses experiencing) and the mind (Unhooking from thoughts, contacting our Observing Self, and self-compassion).

  • These skills are discussed in detail in the articles I have written, below

  • If your mind is being constantly hijacked by real or imagined threats, then this is a signal that you may professional assistance to learn how to self-regulate and soothe your threat system so that you can free yourself from anxiety, depression, and other difficult struggles. Contact me below.



Further Resources

About Me: 

Dr Andreas Comninos, PhD Clinical Psychologist

I am a PhD Clinical Psychologist and EMDR Accredited Practitioner with over 15 years of psychotherapy experience. Whether you are seeking an assessment and diagnosis, or are searching for integrative research-backed ways to help you heal past wounds, break reactive-patterns and achieve long-lasting change, my aim is to provide a safe space for you to feel seen, understood, and empowered so you can make meaningful progress on your healing journey.


To learn more and to get in touch, please:

CONTACT ME

I endeavor to reply to all enquiries within 24 hrs.

About Me: 

Dr Andreas Comninos, PhD Clinical Psychologist

 

I am a PhD Clinical Psychologist and EMDR Accredited Practitioner with over 15 years of psychotherapy experience. Whether you are seeking an assessment and diagnosis, or are searching for integrative research-backed ways to help you heal past wounds, break reactive-patterns and achieve long-lasting change, my aim is to provide a safe space for you to feel seen, understood, and empowered so you can make meaningful progress on your healing journey.

To learn more and to get in touch, please:

CONTACT ME

I endeavor to reply to all enquiries within 24 hrs. 

Negative Thinking – What your poor brain doesn’t know… 

Don't believe everything your mind tells you

Overview

This page is not just about negative thinking – It is also about something that your brain probably ‘thinks’ that it knows (but actually probably doesn’t)! – If you are someone who struggles with negative thoughts, it is likely that your brain probably does not know the difference between the stories created by your mind in the form of thoughts, imagery, memories and predictions … vs. reality – The information flowing through your 5 senses.

This information applies to all of us: Being unaware of this difference and not having the skills to wilfully discriminate between these two sources of information, leaves us open and vulnerable to being ‘pushed around’ and influenced by whatever our minds are focusing on.  Although this may be ‘nice’ when we are daydreaming about pleasant things – this means a whole world of suffering and anguish if we are engaging in distressing, anxiety-provoking or threat-based mental processes.

Your Threat System:

All humans and other mammals (including: dogs, cats, apes, tigers, mice, elephants, gorillas, pandas, horses, whales, and dolphins) have a pair of amygdala an almond-shape set of neurons located deep in the brain’s medial temporal lobe. These form part of our limbic system (aka ‘threat system’), the oldest part of the brain that helps to protect us and keep us safe. In other words, Threat System = Survival (survival emotions and instincts).

All information being processed by your brain passes through the limbic system and this forms part of the brain’s threat processing system. The limbic system keeps you safe, by evaluating whether or not something is threatening.  This includes information from both your 5 senses (the external world) AND all of the information generated by your mind (your internal world). 

If your limbic (aka ‘threat system’) perceives something as a threat, it has the power to reorganise the mind and body by triggering a cascade of neurophysiological responses (like the fight-flight-freeze response!). This then completely reorients your mind’s focus and its attentional resources, and your motivations and your actions. These will then all work together to protect you from the perceived threat.

Without a healthy and functioning threat system, our species would be in serious trouble – we would not be motivated to protect ourselves from danger and we would likely take risks with catastrophic outcomes – humans would probably not have survived as long as we have.

However, although all information flows through this system, often your threat system does not know anything about quality or the source of the information flowing through it. Of all the information that your brain is constantly processing (i.e., information from all of your 5 senses AND the information being generated by your mind), your brain does not know the difference between real threats (the threats that we need to attend to – like a car speeding towards us as we walk cross a street while texting…) and perceived threats (threats that are created by our minds – such as when we imagine a future situation turning out negatively, which triggers anxiety or thinking badly about ourselves, which can cause us to feel shame).

Negative Thinking & Threat

Your limbic system (aka your ‘threat system’) is only concerned with one thing: “Is this thing a THREAT… or NOT?” As can be seen in the diagram below, if an event is considered to be a THREAT, this starts a cascade of physiological processes which have evolved to protect you from harm. These are ‘survival’ instincts (i.e., fight-flight-freeze). On the other hand, if no threat is detected, we remain calm (i.e., ‘rest & digest’, or ‘homeostasis’).

In other words, your limbic system does not discriminate between external or internal threats. Generally, people are pretty good at dealing with external threats (e.g., paying bills, crossing roads, deadlines etc.). Rather than external threats causing people trouble, it is in fact the ‘internal threats’ (i.e., the threats from our minds) that are the most problematic. 

Most of the time, it is the information being focused on by your mind that triggers threat: Thoughts, imagery, negative predictions, shame-based memories, self-talk, self-criticism, negative appraisals. This is important to understand, because if we can consciously shift our focus away from our minds and back onto our 5 senses, we can begin to create a sense of calm. 

Why? This is because our ‘focus’ is finite. Our attention is limited – we simply cannot attend to all things at the same time. If we use this knowledge to our advantage and fill up our focus with non-threatening information (by focusing on neutral information such as the information from our 5 senses), there is no room for the mind to get us stuck in threat. 

So, the threat system is ‘always ON’, meaning that it is always monitoring – it is always scanning (!). We can’t turn it off, and although sometimes it can be helpful, most of the time we need to be deliberate and conscious about how we use our minds – what we attend to, and how we use our attention can either trigger threat systems or can keep our threat system at bay. The following diagram explains this, visually:

threat system

The above process is neither good nor bad – It is simply how our threat system works. But it is extremely powerful. An important question you should be asking yourself is: Is it helpful (?). In other words, is what you are attending to (in your mind) activating your threat system, or is it helping you to keep calm and soothed (?).

There is a strong mind-body feedback loop in that what we focus on results in feelings in our body. For instance, daydreaming about something positive might make you feel calm, optimistic, or motivated. Similarly, daydreaming about eating your favourite food might make you salivate. This is because there is a strong relationship between how we think and what we feel. Thoughts are simply propositions (or ‘invitations’) that our brains can utilise to stimulate physiological processes that result in emotions and motivations to act on our thoughts. However, this can work against us when our minds think up negative, frightening, or painful thoughts / situations (!) and this can interfere with – or stop you from – going after your goals and your heart’s deepest desires (!).

E.g., “I’m not good enough”, or “There’s something wrong with me!” (feelings = defectiveness, shame)

E.g., “I can’t be bothered” or “I can’t do it” (feelings = defeat / hopelessness)

E.g., “If I don’t … then something BAD will happen!”, or “Even if I DO … then something BAD will happen!” (feelings = anxiety / hopelessness)

E.g., “Nothing will ever change or improve”, or “What’s the f*cking point?!” (feelings = hopelessness / anger / despair)

E.g., “I can’t, because what if … happens?” (feelings = anxiety, trapped)

 E.g., “I really AM not good enough, and there’s NOTHING I can do” (feelings = hopelessness, shame, defeat)

Cognitive Fusion & our ‘tricky brains’

From the most recent scientific estimates, humans on average have over 60,000 thoughts per day and many of these are automatic and are unrelated to what we are actually doing. This means that there are plenty of opportunities for our minds to ‘hook’ us or ‘trick’ us into thinking that there is actually a real threat to attend to – that the pictures and stories that our minds are painting are in fact real. 

We can get side-tracked by the mind’s thoughts and images about the past, or its predictions and images about the future. And if we are unaware that we are engaged in this process – because we often feel consistent with what our minds are focusing on – we can hijack our present emotional state with painful images about the past (leading to anger, sadness, or regret) or frightening thoughts about the future (leading to anxiety, fear, stress, or panic). This is what psychologists call: ‘Cognitive Fusion’.

For example, although all animals have a threat system, one major difference between animals and humans is that we have a much more fully developed cortex, which allows us to solve complex problems in the present and in the future. Our sophisticated brains have been able to build and fly airplanes, create the Internet, build ‘smart’ phones and create self-driving cars – our human brains can solve many amazing complex problems. However, compared with animals, our more sophisticated brains also have tricky ‘bugs’ built in them…

A zebra uses its 5 senses to see a lion, hear a lion, smell a lion – it will likely then run for safety. However, once it uses its 5 senses to asses if there is no evidence of a lion, the zebra will calm down and resume eating grass. Unlike a human, the Zebra won’t have nightmares about lions or lie in bed awake at night imagining how much more scary it would have been if there were 3 lions! It won’t become depressed about being a zebra that lions like to eat. And, it won’t develop an anxiety disorder where it feels scared and hopeless about being a zebra for the rest of its life. No! – This is something a human brain would do.

A human brain may replay with the mind, images of lions. It would likely ruminate about the past lion sighting and would likely become preoccupied and fearful about encountering a lion in the future. Due to cognitive fusion this would trigger anxiety and a cascade of associated physiological arousal – it may even trigger a panic attack – even though there is no lion actually present! Worse – A human’s brain may even calculate from its memory all of the salient features about the environment containing the lion and respond with stress and trepidation to anything in the future merely resembling the experience containing the lion (the green colour of the grass, the time of day, the day of the week, what we were wearing, what we’d done earlier the day we got chased by the lion, what we were thinking immediately prior… etc.).  The human would then be motivated to avoid all of these cues. This is how anxiety functions. 

So you see – our ‘tricky’ problem-solving brains may try to eliminate any future ‘threat’ by motivating us to think (or act) in ways that might avoid these situations. But, avoidance actually increases anxiety. So we will do our best to “try not to think about it”, which almost always backfires – and so we will remain anxious – despite all of our brain’s amazing problem-solving abilities. So have we actually gotten rid of anxiety by thinking about the lion attack, or future lion attacks? – No! And although anxiety is part of us and being anxious may lead to behaviours that appear to us safe, the downside to living in a perpetually heightens state of threat is that it causes us difficulties which rob us of an opportunity to live a full, rich, and meaning life.

More on Negative Thinking

Although in the example above I have focused on ‘anxiety’, cognitive fusion can also can trigger other emotions – think about a time from the past where something happened that made you really, really ANGRY! What happened back then? Who was involved? What did they say/do? How did you feel?  – You probably already know from previous experience, the more you think about this event and how angry it made you, the more you can again start to feel angry, right now! (or if you regret something that you did, focusing on this might lead to you feeling regretful or sad!). The same process applies to other emotions: Shame, Embarrassment, Agitation, and so on. 

Threat-based thoughts and emotions are very powerful. These processes can reorganise our brains and our bodies to take charge and deal with the source of the threat. But when it comes to situations in the past, or situations that haven’t even happened yet, we experience strong emotions that we can’t get rid of or fix. People often try to get rid of these strong unpleasant emotions – and this makes sense. It makes sense to not want to feel unpleasant emotions. However, can we really permanently ‘fix’ or permanently get rid of anger, anxiety, sadness, stress, and be happy and free forever? (If so, please contact me and we will write a bestselling book together!).

However, how often do we go to war with our emotions and try to ‘not’ have them? This makes these emotions – which are inside us – the problem. So, now we have yet another threat: ourselves, because we are the one’s having the emotion that we don’t want to have (!). In other words, the problem-solving logic that we use to fix things in the outside (physical) world, actually does not work for our inner world of emotions and the processes our mind’s engages in. When we are having problems due to threat-based emotions and threat-based mental activity – this is when we need to use skills like mindfulness and defusion, discussed below!

What does this all mean for you?

If you want to develop peace of mind and become freer from negative thinking, difficult emotions or unnecessary stress, the important thing to take away from this is: It is essential to learn to distinguish between real vs. perceived threats. This requires a solid understanding of and an ability to notice the difference between real threats from your 5 senses vs. perceived threats (the threats that are created by your mind via the processes of cognitive fusion). This is a discrimination task: “Is this actually happening, or is this happening in my mind?”

From here, you then need to learn to practice ‘unhooking’ or defusing from your mind’s thoughts. This means learning to ‘look at your thoughts’ (seeing thoughts as simply thoughts), rather than seeing the world through your thoughts (which will get you ‘hooked’ by your mind!). 

It would also be helpful to develop a detailed and compassionate understanding of your mind’s threat system, learning about what your threat system is designed to do, what triggers it, and how it is essentially just trying to keep you safe or tell you that you deeply care about something. This understanding includes keeping in mind that when your threat system has been triggered, that you will likely feel strongly motivated to protect yourself from whatever threat your mind has created, even if it is not based in the present moment. And even though this may have negative consequences for you and how you’re feeling – it involves understanding that your brain is simply doing what it was designed to do: to ‘keep the organism safe’. However, as previously discussed, our minds are powerful and can make us feel like there is a threat or an emergency that is real – much of what our mind thinks is not actually based in the present moment and is merely a construction of some other period in time (eg, thoughts about the past = can trigger sadness/regret, whereas thoughts about the future = can trigger anxiety/hopelessness).

Developing skills in Mindfulness is essential in increasing your awareness of your mind and what it is focussing on. Mindful awareness can help you differentiate between 5 Senses information and information from your mind – it can also help you develop skills in noticing (vs. reacting) to the contents of your mind (which includes thoughts, predictions, memories, images, and ‘stories’ we tell ourselves about the challenging situations we are facing). However, Mindfulness is not enough. We also need to develop skills in ‘unhooking’ from the narrative and images of the mind – this process is called ‘defusion’.

Normally (i.e., without defusion) we can easily become fused (‘become one with’) whatever our mind is doing. This means we accept what our mind is telling us as the present reality – as if what our mind is saying is literally true. This then leads to feelings that support our mind’s narrative. We often then feel overwhelmed, controlled by our minds, and stuck. Defusion is a way to disrupt and unhook from unhelpful thoughts, memories, images and stories. 

Learning about defusion means learning about thinking and this gives you a better understanding of the way mind your mind works. This means understanding that thoughts are just thoughts – they are not real, you do NOT need to accept the literal meaning of anything that your mind thinks and that nothing that your mind is thinking is necessarily actually happening right now. Again, this means you are learning about how to ‘look at’ your mind’s thoughts vs. looking through the lens of your thoughts. 

It may also help to remember that you are not your mind or the thinking that it does – thinking is merely a process that your mind engages in. Just like you are not your eyes or your eyelids blinking – and just like you are not your heart or its beating – you are not your mind or its thinking. Thinking is merely something your mind does, just like blinking is something your eyes do, and beating is something your heart does. None of these things ARE you, they are simply parts of you.

Thinking is not something that you need to accept at face value – The process of thinking is simply something that the mind does. Do you really want to be pushed around by every single one of your mind’s thoughts ?

Here is a demonstration of how thinking is not something that you need to accept at face value. TRY THIS: In your mind, repeat the following phrase: “I can’t stand up…. I can’t stand up… I can’t stand up…!” Keep repeating this phrase and STAND UP! (And… what did you notice….?).

If you already were standing, do this with ‘I can’t sit down!’ And sit down (And… what did you notice?).

(I’m assuming you realised something that you already knew on some level – that is, you can do something even though your mind says you cannot. If not, repeat this exercise until you realise what is being said here.)

Hopefully, although this is a simple example, you can acknowledge and agree that it is possible to have thoughts that do not necessarily have to control us. This is very important to understand because we have 60,000 thoughts per day! After all, do you really want to pushed around by your mind and believe everything that your mind tells you? If not, it will be helpful to learn how to defuse (aka ‘unhook’) from difficult thoughts (and memories, predictions, judgments and images!). 

How to ‘Unhook’ from negative thinking (cognitive defusion)

This brief exercise gives you a glimpse into the real-life practice of getting ‘unstuck’ from your mind. Instead of arguing with your mind, we want acknowledge and accept that our minds are very busy and are capable of all kinds of unhelpful thoughts, while at the same time cultivating a posture of detached curiosity. Ultimately, this will help us to make use of what is workable, and to let go of the rest.

The first step is to become aware of the automaticity of your thought processes and what makes negative thoughts / images / predictions / judgements noisy and confusing (vs what makes having all kinds of thoughts a simple, non-issue). You can do this for FREE, right now, and right here (!). All you need is a pen, a paper, and a few minutes (~5 mins) to spare.

First, simply write down the string of thoughts that emerge when you give your mind free reign for one minute. Just sit there, notice, and write them down. Do not be concerned with spelling, or the details. Simply document in bullet-point each thought that your mind has, and move onto capturing the next. We are not interested in the content (the meaning) of your thoughts – we are interested in something else… For now, JUST ‘GO’ – write them all down!

Second, repeat this exercise for another minute. But this time, we ARE interested in the meaning / content of your thoughts.  See if you can figure out whether a thought is true, correct, or appropriate? This might involve weighing and evaluating, or judging and criticizing.

‘GO’ – write them all down & figure it out!

Third, repeat this exercise for one more minute, but this time imagine that your thoughts are like the voices of little kindergarten children. To do this, adopt a posture of curiosity and amusement as you listen, while not engaging them. Just notice what these little kids say – quarrelling one moment; saying something interesting the next.

Now – Self-reflection time! What did you notice?

In the second exercise (compared to the first), you may have noticed that the loudness of your thoughts increased, relative to the first exercise. In other words, you got more pulled into your thought networks; you experienced cognitive fusion with your thoughts.

In the third exercise, you might have noticed more the flow of your thoughts, because the specific content of the thoughts became less important. You also may have noticed that you had a little more freedom to move. Some of what your mind thought may be useful, yet much of it is not.

Does taking action based on a negative thought such as: “I’m not smart enough” enrich your life? If the answer is YES, then great! DO IT!  But, if the answer is NO, this is an indication that you need to simply take a step back, and notice your thoughts with detached posture mindful curiosity. It is ‘simple’, but that does not mean that it is easy. Due to processes under the control of the threat system, thoughts can trigger emotions, urges, and physiological processes that can push us around (which is why it can be helpful to have some guidance around how to work with the mind). 

Note. For some people, particularly if you are feeling lethargic or flat, doing each of these 3 exercises for just 1 minute may not be a long enough time to have many thoughts. If this is applies to you, then you may wish to try each activity for 3 minutes each.

Unhooking from thoughts 

Although the above activity helps show you ‘formally’ what defusion and unhooking ‘is’ it is not very portable, which is not very practical (!). By far, one of the most portable and practical ways you can practice unhooking from your mind’s thoughts are to make use of the following (very useful) defusion phrase: “I am noticing my mind is having the thought that… (insert the thought verbatim)”.

This phrase is fantastic in being able to help you begin to understand and learn how to make use of defusion within your own mind. You can practice this skill anywhere – and I strongly suggest that you DO. For instance, while walking down the street, while standing in a line, while waiting at a traffic light (etc). Be creative – develop your awareness and skill in being able to notice and ‘unhook’, and then return to the present moment. This is essentially what you are doing when you are engaging in Mindfulness (!). once you are able to do this, move onto the next step: Unhooking from unworkable Stories.

Unhelpful ‘Stories’

In general, the most troubling threat-based mental events and their related threat-based emotions are not simply caused by one negative thought. Rather, difficult threat-based thoughts and emotions are generally triggered by a dense amount of mental processing – processes that start with a thought, but one that might trigger an image of the past / future, which then triggers predictions or judgements, which then triggers an emotion, which may then trigger more thoughts, judgements or predictions (and so on…).

This is best referred to a ‘story’, which is shorthand for ‘a narrative’ (a narrative that completely ‘makes sense’ if we reflect on and consider our developmental histories). Understand that we all have stories and there are 2-3 main ‘stories’ that each of us will continue to return to during times of challenge, distress or uncertainty. Know your stories, and you will know thyself… the contents of your threat system, the topography of your mind, and what you care most deeply about. 

Stories can take an infinite number of forms (because they are based on our histories), but they often contain over-arching themes such as ‘I’m a failure’, ‘I’m unlovable’, ‘I’m not good enough’ etc. When we buy into an unworkable story we identify with it, and even if it is inaccurate or completely not true getting hooked by an unworkable story will often limit what we are capable of doing in a given situation. 

Unhooking from Stories

What to do about it? When we learn what our stories are, we will be in a better position to understand our mind’s threat system and predict what stories it will likely generate in stressful situations. To do this, we can use mindful awareness to notice what stories show up. We can write them down, and we can look for themes. Then, we can decide upon a label to give to the story. We are then well-placed to use the following helpful phrase: “I am noticing that my mind is doing the … story again” whenever this story (or a related theme shows up).

By unhooking from the unworkable story using the phrase above, we thus begin to create distance between what our mind is doing and what we want to be doing. We can use mindful awareness to return our focus on the present moment by focusing on all of the information available to us (eg, from our 5 senses). And we will then be in a better position to choose what we want to do instead of our story.

None of this is a ‘magic trick’ – you may still feel strong negative emotions, but mindful awareness is an important first step in helping you to raise your awareness of the difference between what your mind is doing vs. what is actually happening. Practising unhooking (defusion) can create just enough space between you and what your mind is doing for you to be able to refocus on the present moment & choose what your next move will be (vs reacting to a difficult situation and making things worse).

Sometimes we need more skills than just mindful awareness and defusion. Sometimes we can get very triggered by our stories, memories, or emotions. When this happens, we need to draw upon soothing skills (emotion regulation skills such as Soothing Breathing and calming imagery) to soothe ourselves and to increase our window of tolerance. This can be trick and it requires practice. This is not a ‘magic trick’. 

Troubleshooting – The thoughts keep coming back

You may find that you can ‘notice that your mind is having a thought’ and from this observing position that you can successfully unhook from that thought. But if you are particularly triggered, you may find your mind keeps having more unpleasant thoughts. This is normal and is to be expected (after all we have 60,000 thoughts per day, remember?). This not a sign that ‘defusion does not work’. Rather, this is a sign that you need to work hard to keep unhooking, because you have been particularly triggered. 

Why (?) – Consider the following ‘Hot Stove’ example: If you saw a red hot stove and someone just turned it off – even if it was disconnected from the power at the wall – would you touch it ? 

HOT STOVE! Even if this had been turned off at the power – Would you touch it?

How about NOW … Would you touch it ? 

… What about NOW ?

– Why not ? 

– because the stove is still hot! (obviously)

But how long would it remain hot for?

(Really, it would depend on many factors – how long it was on for, the ambient temperature of the room, whether the room was ventilated etc. So, ‘when’ it is safe to touch depends on many factors, and it is clear that it will take some time before it has cooled down. This is just like when you get triggered by difficult thoughts or emotions…)

Your mind and the emotions that it can trigger in your body are exactly the same – unhooking from one thought is not going to be enough to soothe you if you have become emotionally ‘hot’ (triggered by a cascade of painful or threatening thoughts/images/emotions). It will take time and will require you to keep unhooking, and to keep coming back to the present moment (your 5 senses) in order to cool yourself down. Depending on what triggered you and how ‘hot’ you got, you may even need to work with your body and do some soothing breathing, to soothe your threat system and signal to your body that you are safe. 

And all of the above processes need to happen in tandem – unhooking on its own is not enough. It also helps to know why you would even bother to learn about how to use your mind in this way (!). Consider: Why would you want to invest in learning to respond to your mind in this new way – what is in it for you? How might it help you if you were be able to have any thought and be literally un-phased by it?  How might this help you deal with some of the difficulties that you commonly experience (predictions, judgements, self-criticism, anxious thoughts, anger, depression, anxiety)? How might these skills help you behave more like the person that you truly want to be? (do you even know who you truly want to be?) 

To conclude, unhooking (defusion) is a way to help you distance from your mind’s thoughts. On its own, it is simply an exercise that demonstrates how we can get stuck (and unstuck) from thought processes. However, when combined with deliberately shifting your attention back to the present moment, grounding yourself in the present moment by focusing on the information from your 5 senses, self-regulating with self-soothing skills, and connecting with the deeper reasons ‘why’ doing all of these things can benefit you – this is where you can take an exercise and transform it into an arsenal of tools that can help you break reactive patterns and take actions that move you towards the things that are most important to you.

Defusion is not just ‘an exercise’. It is one of many evidenced-based ways to using your mind to increase your capacity to choose how you want to respond when challenging thoughts / stories show up. Used consistently, these skills can help to you self-regulate, which is essential when dealing with life’s challenges.    

Summary:

  • There are two sources of information that your brain is constantly processing – information from your mind and information from your 5 senses.  
  • Most problems occur when we attend to what the mind is thinking and accept this as reality. All of our brains work this way!
  • Information from your mind is: Thoughts, Memories, Predictions, the narrative (or ‘story’ we are telling ourselves), judgements / evaluations, and mental imagery.
  • Being able to re-focus on the present moment via your 5 senses is an important skill so you can return to what you would like to be doing. Focusing on your 5 senses can deactivate your brain’s threat system because information from your 5 senses is generally free from threat. This is how to feel calm and at peace (!).
  • Even if you find it difficult initially, learning to differentiate between what your mind is doing vs what information is coming to you via your 5 senses is a skill that can be learned.
  • Mindful awareness can help you notice the source of information that you are focusing on.
  • Defusion can help you unhook from the literal meaning of your thoughts / the imagery in your mind. This can create the necessary distance between you and your mind which can free you up so that you can respond differently.
  • Following defusion with awareness of your 5 senses can help bring you back to the present moment (e.g., ‘what can I smell…?’, ‘what can I hear?’, ‘which parts of my feet are in contact with the floor?’ , ‘what am I doing?’… etc)
  • Combining the above with soothing breathing, can help you to self-regulate (to stay ‘cool’ when you have become emotionally triggered)
  • I have attempted to explain several interrelated concepts. It is one thing to read the words on this screen and understand them intellectually; it is another to be able to put them into practice. I appreciate that it can be challenging to implement mindfulness and defusion skills with very difficult and longstanding struggles, particularly without help (and practice).
  • My recommendation is that if the information above intrigues you or has raised some questions about how you use your mind, that you contact me, or seek out a clinical psychologist who understands this approach and can show you practical strategies tailored to your individual needs.


If you are troubled by negative thoughts or anything else that your mind is doing, I strongly recommend working with a clinical psychologist to truly understand your brain’s threat-system, and how to make use of mindfulness, and defusion. A clinical psychologist is capable of developing practical exercises in order to best demonstrate and tailor this knowledge to your situation. The information on this page might sound ‘simple’ but it can be difficult to learn these skills without proper guidance. 

Further Resources

About Me: 

Dr Andreas Comninos, PhD Clinical Psychologist

I am a PhD Clinical Psychologist and EMDR Accredited Practitioner with over 15 years of psychotherapy experience. Whether you are seeking an assessment and diagnosis, or are searching for integrative research-backed ways to help you heal past wounds, break reactive-patterns and achieve long-lasting change, my aim is to provide a safe space for you to feel seen, understood, and empowered so you can make meaningful progress on your healing journey.


To learn more and to get in touch, please:

CONTACT ME

I endeavor to reply to all enquiries within 24 hrs.

About Me: 

Dr Andreas Comninos, PhD Clinical Psychologist

 

I am a PhD Clinical Psychologist and EMDR Accredited Practitioner with over 15 years of psychotherapy experience. Whether you are seeking an assessment and diagnosis, or are searching for integrative research-backed ways to help you heal past wounds, break reactive-patterns and achieve long-lasting change, my aim is to provide a safe space for you to feel seen, understood, and empowered so you can make meaningful progress on your healing journey.

To learn more and to get in touch, please:

CONTACT ME

I endeavor to reply to all enquiries within 24 hrs. 

Compassion – A brief overview

lotus compassion

Overview

Many people misunderstand Compassion. For example, many people mistake compassion for ‘love’, ‘kindness’ or ’empathy’. Although these qualities may be involved, often they are not (!). Others mistakenly view compassion as ‘a weakness’ (when really, from both a psychological and a physiological perspective, it can be one of our biggest assets in terms of resilience and managing stress in both ourselves and others).

So then, what is compassion really about ?

Compassion means having a sensitivity to the causes of suffering (in self or others) with a commitment to try to alleviate and prevent it.

This is a 2-part definition: Part A) ‘sensitivity to suffering’ (meaning, to have the capacity to fully grasp the causes and impacts of one’s suffering and to be able to remain present to it vs running away from it because it is ‘too painful’ or ‘hard’), and Part B) the ‘commitment to alleviating suffering’ (meaning, being willing to do whatever is required to be of assistance).

Compassion arises in us when we witness suffering in others (or experience suffering ourselves) in a certain way that motivates a subsequent desire to help. The purpose of drawing from (or developing) Compassion is not to avoid difficulties – it is quite the opposite. Compassion is about having the courage and the strength to turn towards pain and difficulty within ourselves or for others, because this is what is needed. But, this can be tricky, and (especially with Self-Compassion) it can be easy to fall into self-defeating patterns of feeling overwhelmed, threatened, ashamed, or self-critical.

Compassion brings together many attributes ranging from awareness, empathy, and distress tolerance, to courage, a caring intention, strength and persistence. We need to employ these skills to prevent us from becoming overwhelmed. Without a good understanding of compassion and the development of these skills, we may distort or amplify what is really going and this will block helpful actions and make a situation worse.  

Compassion in Practice

Most people come to therapy wanting to alleviate their suffering (i.e., to ‘make the pain stop!’). This is understandable, because pain hurts (!). However, there is often ambiguity about how much of themselves they are willing to invest in the process of self-care.

Although it makes sense that we need to stop making things worse in order for the pain to stop, this actually requires a nuanced understanding of Part A of the definition of Compassion (i.e., ‘sensitivity to the causes of suffering’). When we are insensitive to the causes of suffering, and simply want the pain to go away, we are very limited in what we can achieve. In other words, we actually need to understand and to be sensitive to the causes of the suffering before we can truly do something about it.

But, this can be hard. For instance, whenever we are insensitive to the causes of suffering, are not moved by the suffering, or do not have the distress-tolerance skills ‘be with’ suffering, we cannot truly stay present to it long enough to be helpful (even if we want the suffering to stop). For many people, this is their biggest challenge. As is discussed in several articles I have written (i.e., here, here, here, and here), difficulties in this area have a lot to do with our upbringings (including our attachment style, and what we have been taught about emotions), and our physiologies (i.e., how the mind, brain and body work). 

Compassion requires us to take responsibility for our actions while simultaneously recognizing that so many factors in life are not of our choosing – so much of our lives has been determined by factors outside of ourselves (we didn’t choose our parents, our genders, our evolutionary histories, our ‘tricky brains’, the countries we were born into, the families we were born into, or our developmental or trauma histories). 

Despite this, many of us still go around blaming and shaming ourselves for what we did wrong. Yet, viewed through a lens of Compassion (again, Part A of the definition: ‘sensitivity to the causes of suffering’) we can realise that while SO MUCH in our lives is not our fault or choosing, it does still remain our responsibility to do something about how we choose to act (Part B of the definition: ‘commitment to alleviating or preventing further suffering’).

Hopefully, you may begin to understand that Compassion and Self-Compassion are not simply about being soft or kind. Rather, it is about drawing upon a wise non-condemning understanding that empowers us to take charge and be accountable.

Physical and Psychological Benefits

  • Increased capacity to act assertively in terms of caring for ourselves and others

  • Increased resilience (improves our ability to handle stress, and setbacks)

  • Reduces our susceptibility to anxiety, depression, and other mental health difficulties

  • Reduced triggering of our threat system, which results in positive health benefits including reduced stress, an increase in Heart Rate Variability (HRV), and improved immune system functioning
  • Increases our capacity to meet our needs during difficult moments (soothing, kindness, encouragement and support, vs self-criticism)

  • Provides an ever-stable refuge of self-worth vs focusing on Self-Esteem (discussed below…) 

Empathy & Sympathy

Although being ‘sensitive to the causes of suffering’ (Part A of the definition of Compassion) requires a variety of attributes (which includes empathy), Compassion is not simply ’empathy’ and empathy on its own is not compassion. For instance, an emphatic killer can cause someone great pain and torture – specifically because they are good at understanding other people’s feelings (!). Clearly, empathy is not compassion. 

Compassion is also not sympathy (feeling ‘sorry for…’).  This is because sympathy is passive. In contrast, Compassion is active because it involves both feeling AND then doing something about the feeling (eg, think of a mother or father as they cradle their sick and fevered child). 

Self-Esteem vs Self-Compassion

Self-compassion offers huge benefits that self-esteem does not: Self-esteem is about being better than everyone else in order to feel good about yourself (i.e., being ‘special’ and above ‘average’). But this is a logical impossibility because if everyone is better than average, this simply shifts the average higher resulting in a never-ending cycle of competitiveness.

Acting from a place of self-esteem can lead us to putting others down, defensiveness, hostility, and overlooking our own shortcomings because these may be too painful or threatening to acknowledge. We can engage in these behaviours either consciously or unconsciously (but regardless, our actions will most likely always be perceived by others as narcissistic and insecure).  

However, self-esteem’s biggest flaw is that it is only there for us when things are actually going well – but what happens when we fail? During times of failure, our self-esteem shrinks into the shadows and and our inner-critic becomes dominant to dish us up punishment (i.e., we may then feel shame, hopelessness, or even self-hatred). 

As I have discussed here, this simply triggers our brain’s Threat System, which then gets in the way of us moving forward because we either self-destruct or need to engage in protective-behaviours (which can lead to undesirable consequences). Yet, Self-Compassion is the antidote (!)

Unfortunately, just like how Compassion is often poorly misunderstood, Self-Compassion is also a hugely misunderstood concept! Self-compassion is not merely self-kindness (eg, ‘just be kind to yourself’) – it is about taking responsibility for working with difficult feelings so that you are better able to deal with life’s challenges. Self-Compassion requires responsibility and courage to be present with emotional pain in one’s self or in others, and the courage to do something productive about it.

However, many people find the idea of Self-compassion highly threatening. Unfortunately, these are often the same people who experience intense shame and self-criticism. One of the most common barriers to developing self-compassion is our own “inner critic”, which often has origins in our developmental past. To understand why this may be, it makes sense when we appreciate how a person has learned to associate warmth, closeness, and soothing, with Threat (vs safeness).

This happens through a person’s developmental history via their early painful interpersonal or emotional experiences (such as childhood experiences of shame, rejection, bullying, or parental hostility, neglect or unresponsiveness). So, because self-compassion encourages a response that taps into emotions that a person has learned to associate with threat, self-compassion can in fact trigger threat! 

For many of us, self-compassion is hugely difficult and triggers our threat system. For this reason, it is a response that is either avoided or is completely blocked. If this sounds familiar to you, I recommend you read about the Fears, Blocks & Resistances to Self-Compassion and related articles I have written, below.

Further Resources

About Me: 

Dr Andreas Comninos, PhD Clinical Psychologist

I am a PhD Clinical Psychologist and EMDR Accredited Practitioner with over 15 years of psychotherapy experience. Whether you are seeking an assessment and diagnosis, or are searching for integrative research-backed ways to help you heal past wounds, break reactive-patterns and achieve long-lasting change, my aim is to provide a safe space for you to feel seen, understood, and empowered so you can make meaningful progress on your healing journey.


To learn more and to get in touch, please:

CONTACT ME

I endeavor to reply to all enquiries within 24 hrs.

About Me: 

Dr Andreas Comninos, PhD Clinical Psychologist

 

I am a PhD Clinical Psychologist and EMDR Accredited Practitioner with over 15 years of psychotherapy experience. Whether you are seeking an assessment and diagnosis, or are searching for integrative research-backed ways to help you heal past wounds, break reactive-patterns and achieve long-lasting change, my aim is to provide a safe space for you to feel seen, understood, and empowered so you can make meaningful progress on your healing journey.

To learn more and to get in touch, please:

CONTACT ME

I endeavor to reply to all enquiries within 24 hrs.