Overview
Self-criticism is common across all mental health difficulties and has very powerful effects on your emotions, your brain, and your physiology. This article will outline the physiological and psychological effects of Self-Criticism and will contrast these effects with the deactivating and soothing processes involved in Self-Compassion. When we practice self-compassion, we are actually moving from the threat system to a sense of ‘safeness’ via activating our mammalian care-giving and attachment system. To do this requires learning set of skills designed to awaken our own ability to ‘self-soothe’ which generates feelings of safety and calm. As you will learn, these processes are more productive than being self-critical or in a perpetual state of threat and distress.
Physiology of Self-Criticism
Both harsh Self-criticism and Self-compassion have distinct physiological pathways. What Self-Criticism does is that it triggers the brain’s ‘threat system’ – this is our Limbic System (pictured below) the oldest part of our brain that tells us to ‘be prepared to fight!’ or ‘be prepared to run!’. When the threat system gets triggered, the brain releases cortisol (a stress hormone) and this activates the sympathetic nervous system (‘fight-flight response’) that tells the body: “Get ready for danger!”
Evolutionarily, our threat system is very adaptive – because if a lion is chasing you, then you better do something about it if you want to survive! So, the threat system protects the organism, by preparing it as best as it can with the means to battle or to flee. However, as you may already know from your own personal experience – the threat system can also cause us distress.
However, in modern times we are rarely in situations where the environment is triggering our threat systems. More likely, what is happening is that we are triggering our own threat systems with our minds – that is, our ‘self-concept’ is being threatened. In other words, our minds are triggering our own threat systems with negative predictions, painful memories, or harsh judgements and self-criticism (see ‘Dealing with Your ‘inner-critic’).
As a quick aside: as is discussed on the page ‘What is mindfulness?’ one of the key benefits of practicing Mindfulness (i.e., the non-judgmental observation of all experience) is that being non-judgmental results in a reduction in stress because observing – vs judging – keeps the amygdala calm by treating information it processes as ‘neutral’ which actually soothes your brain’s threat system.
Back to Self-Criticism – when something happens that threatens our ‘self-concept’, it is almost as if we ourselves are under siege. We react as if there is a lion about to harm us – as though our very self was under threat! This triggers our threat system!
Why do we engage in Self-Criticism?
One of the reasons we use self-criticism is to motivate ourselves to do something about the threat to our self-concept. So even though the method is a little warped and clumsy, what Self-Criticism is actually trying to do to keep us safe by motivating us (with pain and discomfort) to take action.
E.g., often when there is a problem such as when we aren’t being our best, self-criticism will appear, trigger our threat system and motivate us to take action. So, at its core self-criticism simply trying to keep us safe.
However, because motivating ourselves with harsh self-criticism triggers our threat system – motivating ourselves with harsh self-criticism is akin to motivating ourselves with a baseball bat because it causes a cascade of stress hormones that can overwhelm and flood our body and our emotions. This is NOT very effective!
What can we do about it?
Luckily we have another system that has evolved to keep us safe! And that is the mammalian care-giving system (aka the ‘Soothing System’). As mammals what makes humans different to (say) reptiles is that mammals are born very vulnerable and dependent on their caregivers for food, warmth, and shelter. In order to ensure survival, typically a mother will – instinctively – be motivated to care for her young to soothe, comfort and keep her child warm and safe.
Equally, the infant is physiologically programmed to be comforted: Warmth, tender touch, even soft vocal tones trigger a release of oxytocin and other opiates in the infant’s brain that influence the parasympathetic nervous system which is designed to calm us down and make us feel safe. These same processes are activated when people are warm and kind to us, and when we are kind and caring to ourselves.
When we practice self-compassion, we are actually moving our sense of safety from the threat system to our own care-giving and attachment system (aka: our Soothing System). This awakens our own ability to ‘self-soothe’ which triggers the release of opiates and oxytocin, which generates feelings of safety and peace. This is more helpful and ultimately more productive than being self-critical and in a perpetual state of threat, distress, and self-attacking.
Whereas over-relying upon the threat system as a source of motivation can make us stressed, anxious and depressed and generally inhibits a good emotional mindset to (really) accomplish anything well, when we give extend compassion to ourselves we feel safe, emotionally balanced, and soothed. This puts us on the best footing to not only be happy, but also to take risks, to grow, and to ultimately reach our goals.
Fears of Compassion
Unfortunately, for many people, the idea of engaging in self-compassionate actions can inadvertently trigger Threat NOT Soothing (!). This is because one of the most common barriers to developing self-compassion is our own “inner critic”, which often has origins in our developmental past. Therefore, for many people, Self-Compassion is often either hugely misunderstood or underutilized, or is completely blocked and therefore completely absent altogether.
For example, due to our developmental histories, or painful emotional or interpersonal experiences (such as childhood experiences of shame, rejection, bullying, parental hostility, neglect or unresponsiveness), it is very common for people to have learned to associate ‘warmth, closeness, and soothing’, with Threat – not safeness (!). In other words, because Self-Compassion encourages a response that taps into these processes and emotions, Self-Compassion can therefore trigger threat!
If this is the case, you may find it hard experiencing positive emotions towards yourself and you may benefit from working with a clinical psychologist trained in Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT), who can help you cultivate a more self-compassionate (vs self-critical) stance.
If you would like to learn more about how to deal with your inner critic, or the fears / blocks people have with treating themselves with warmth and compassion, I strongly recommend reading the following articles: The first addresses how to deal with your ‘inner-critic’ and the second discuss the common Fears, Blocks & Resistances people have in response to the ‘idea’ of self-compassion.
Summary:
- Self-criticism and Shame are common across all mental health difficulties and can have very powerful negative effects on your emotions, your brain, and your physiology.
- Self-compassion is the antidote to excessive self-criticism and intense shame.
- The most common barrier to developing self-compassion is our own “inner critic”, which often has origins in our developmental histories such as parental rejection, hostility, neglect or unresponsiveness.
- For these reasons you may find it hard to experience positive emotions towards yourself and you may benefit from working with a clinical psychologist trained in Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) who can help you cultivate a more self-compassionate (vs self-critical) stance.
- Look out for the inner-critic – don’t beat yourself up for beating yourself up. Understand what the inner-critic is and does to you, and learn to respond to yourself in a more supportive way.
- Becoming a better support person for yourself means connecting with the part of yourself that can be wise, caring and supportive – the part of you that can help you meet your needs in a way that is helpful makes sense in the context of whatever struggle you may be experiencing.
- Please appreciate that being self-compassionate can be complex and challenging for many people, for many reasons. It can be helpful to have a firm understanding of your own fears, blocks, & resistances around the idea of self-compassion, and it can also help to have a friendly teacher or therapist to help guide you through this process.
Further resources:
- Learn how to deal with your Inner Critic
- Learn about the Fears, Blocks & Resistances to Compassion
- How to deal with negative thinking
- The benefits of Self-Compassion
- Calm yourself with Soothing Rhythm Breathing
- Learn about your Brain’s 3 Emotion Regulation Systems
- Get help with the common obstacles in practicing Mindfulness
- Processing traumatic memories with EMDR Therapy
- Understanding your Window of Tolerance
- How your early attachment experiences shape how you relate to yourself and others
